How The Ring Was Lost
by bamboozled
Summary: It is told how Sauron really lost his Ring. (Sauron’s unintended trash was Isildur’s ultimate destruction)


"How The Ring Was Forgotten"  
  
By ~ Ariadiliel  
  
Summary : It is told how Sauron *really* lost his Ring. . .  
  
Disclaimer : Of course I do not own the Lord of the Rings characters! But I do wish I could just kinda' see or mebbe have that nice shiney. . . oh snap; I can't have it.  
  
***  
  
[Somewhere in Mordor. . . ]  
  
Sauron was just hanging out, spending his usual Sunday afternoon doing some very important things like decided how he could accomplish the next task of creating some new species at the next level of ultimate 'disgustingness'. And at times, he wondered, if there was ever such a word as 'disgustingness'. But he figured it did not matter because, hey, when you can created mutant species, why not create mutant words?  
  
So, later that afternoon, after he had a long argument with himself about where he had placed his sword, he sat down to have some dinner. Dinner in Mordor is often a grand spectacle. You never know what you might get next. And today was no different.  
  
He stared down at the bowl of steaming soup. . . or at least it resembled soup. Now, Sauron really liked to show off his armour that his slaves spent so long slaving over; making it nice and shiny. It never occurred to Sauron how hard it is to pick up your spoon if you have a load of armour on. Well at least it was shiny armour.  
  
After several, and I mean several, poor attempts to pick up his spoon, he resolved that it was indeed somebody else's fault, and not his own.  
  
"Get me a bigger spoon!" he growled.  
  
Sauron got his bigger spoon, and found a way to hold it, but now he was having some problems getting the soup to his mouth because A. the armour would not allow him to do so, and B. he had his helmet on. It is very hard to get soup in through those slits of your helmet.  
  
"Fine." He mumbled and leaned back in his throne-like chair. "Mental note to self: do not wear armour to dinner, bring sword instead," Sauron concluded. "Tis a shame one cannot wear such shiny. . ." and then a thought came to him.  
  
Aha! The Ring needed polishing, it was getting a bit tarnished for some unknown reason. Must be this Mordor weather, Sauron thought. So he pulled out his snazzy Ring and started staring at it. . .  
  
"I'm too sexy for mah Ring. . ." he sang. What a good singer I am, Sauron thought, better show off my skill later.  
  
So Sauron started singing until. . .  
  
. . . Until he stopped.  
  
He had dropped the bloody ring in his 'soup' while he was singing this 'wonderfulous' song. Dammit, he thought, I have the worst luck today.  
  
"I will just go get my sword and fish it out. No problem." He jumped up and left.  
  
Too bad his stupid minion's were. . . rather stupid, because they picked up the bowl and carried it off to their crummy orcish kitchens. They dumped the bowl in a pile of other dirty dishes. Since the pay was not that good, but Sauron was always willing to buy new dishes and silverware, the orcs routinely carried the pile off to some remote place to bury it.  
  
Now, Isildur had this kinky habit of going through people's trash and claiming such things as "Some man's trash is another's ultimate destruction!". Isildur's good trash-sifting partner was this elf named Elrond, who had a knack for finding interesting trash, (which at a later point Isildur would claim his own), told him to "Cast it back into the soup bowl so it can be destroyed forever!" Isildur was all like, "No."  
  
Back at Mordor, Sauron was frantically conducting a rabid search throughout his castle, running about with his sword, that he finally found, in one hand. He found it much easier to move without all of the shiny armour, but less fortunate. For when he was running about with this particularly sharp object in hand, he tripped on one of the uneven stones and impaled himself. "Mental note to self: do not run with sword in hand without armour." He then tragically died from this devastating wound, but at least his spirit lived on in his Ring.  
  
(And it just so happens that Sauron's unintended trash was Isildur's ultimate destruction . . .) . . .because later when Isildur was showing off his Ring, while singing those famous last words: "I'm too sexy for mah Ring!", this rather odd, snorting orc popped out of the bushes and killed him by knocking him into a river were somebody would conveniently see that he is not bleeding or drowned, and shoot him. (Because we all know swimming in a river gets you away from enemies, right?) Actually, the Ring was controlling the mind of this snorting orc.  
  
"I don't like you," said the voice of the Ring to Isildur, "My old Master used to polish me. . . well until he dropped me in that soup!"  
  
So, the Ring stayed at the bottom of the river, where it got digested by several fish and pushed about with the current. . .  
  
Until Sméagol found the Ring, and that is a different story all together.  
  
***  
  
Author's Note:  
  
PLEASE REVIEW AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER LIKE THE PRECIOUSSS! 


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